Aliyn Raven (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
aliyn_raven) wrote2023-12-24 11:09 pm
aliyn_raven) wrote2023-12-24 11:09 pm
Entry tags:
Riana's Adventures
Short sketches from the lives of a variety of people through the eyes of an ironic lady.
https://archiveofourown.org/works/52497217
https://www.wattpad.com/user/Aliyn_Raven
Story-1. Marital Bliss And Piglet
Riana has always been a clever girl, and she realized one of the foundations of being even at her tender childhood age: "The most important organ of almost all people is the butt. People think, watch, read, write, work and make any choice from small to fateful with the help of the butt. They love each other and children are also raised through the butt, for the most part. So it makes no sense to wonder why so many people's lives are drowning in shit".
Riana grew up, turning from a little girl with violet eyes and red pigtails into a thirty-five year old lady with an elegant haircut; her fiery hair colour darkened to mahogany, but the people remained the same.
And yet, the stupidity of others is not as horrifying as it seems.
The main thing is not to forget for yourself — the head is needed not only to eat with help of it and wear a hat on it.
In addition, it would not be possible to get a chic hat for yourself without a well-functioning head, and Riana loved them very much.
She also loved cookies, antiques, and adventure.
Alas, both that, and the second, and the third are expensive, and if you also add hats, then you won’t see happiness in life.
But if the head is used for its mental purpose, then you can become the owner of an antique store, and then all three delights will become tax-free business expenses.
And even cookies, when consumed correctly, do not harm your body. But they help very well in purchasing goods for the store.
Unfortunately, the search and acquisition of cute antiques, an extremely pleasant activity, was inevitably accompanied by chatter about outrageous nonsense with butt-handlebar persons.
And now the garage sale organizer was complaining about her terrible husband. Why the hell does this lady even live with someone who doesn't suit her, Riana didn't ask — butt-handlebar persons aren't capable of solving such complex issues.
But, as folk wisdom says, if a woman has no worries, then she either quarrels with her husband or buys a piglet. Considering that keeping pigs in such a suburb is prohibited, Riana advised her interlocutor to buy a papillon or a poodle — there are no fewer worries with a long-haired dog.
"But you definitely need to train the dog to participate in the competition for performing tricks," Riana added. "It's called 'agility'. The prize will bring a double benefit: it will decorate your living room and stop quarrels with your husband."
The lady stared at Riana in complete stunnedness, and Riana fixed her with the confident gaze of an expert on the universe, without whose mastery it is impossible to run an antique business. Of course, this lady will quarrel with her husband much less for the simple reason that fussing with a pet will force her to spend a lot of time outside her husband's society.
But since a butt-handlebar master could become a danger to an innocent and defenseless animal, Riana added:
"It's better to start with courses for dog owners. Before buying a puppy. Without preparation, you will ruin everything."
Riana didn't meet this lady for the next year. And in early December, when the Christmas rush of garage sales began and Riana came to this town again, she saw this lady proudly walk in the town square in the company of a charming white Spitz and a handsome companion, who, as Riana knew for sure, was not the same "terrible husband" of this lady.
The lady saw Riana and went straight to her.
"I'm writing a book about the role of dogs in a woman's life," the lady said, barely saying hello. "Will you help with editing? I will definitely give you one copy of the book. No, even three copies, so you can please your friends."
"I'm afraid I have absolutely no time." Riana smiled sweetly. "After all, I am the owner of a very difficult store, always in business. But I can advise you to those who aren't particularly busy and will willingly help you."
And Riana took out her phone and began writing a message to one of the customers: her elderly mother regularly tore the brains of the whole family, demanding from them perfect literary talks. For a break from her mother, the buyer will owe Riana a meeting with a very profitable, unsociable collector who didn't communicate with anyone without recommendations.
https://archiveofourown.org/works/52497217
https://www.wattpad.com/user/Aliyn_Raven
Story-1. Marital Bliss And Piglet
Riana has always been a clever girl, and she realized one of the foundations of being even at her tender childhood age: "The most important organ of almost all people is the butt. People think, watch, read, write, work and make any choice from small to fateful with the help of the butt. They love each other and children are also raised through the butt, for the most part. So it makes no sense to wonder why so many people's lives are drowning in shit".
Riana grew up, turning from a little girl with violet eyes and red pigtails into a thirty-five year old lady with an elegant haircut; her fiery hair colour darkened to mahogany, but the people remained the same.
And yet, the stupidity of others is not as horrifying as it seems.
The main thing is not to forget for yourself — the head is needed not only to eat with help of it and wear a hat on it.
In addition, it would not be possible to get a chic hat for yourself without a well-functioning head, and Riana loved them very much.
She also loved cookies, antiques, and adventure.
Alas, both that, and the second, and the third are expensive, and if you also add hats, then you won’t see happiness in life.
But if the head is used for its mental purpose, then you can become the owner of an antique store, and then all three delights will become tax-free business expenses.
And even cookies, when consumed correctly, do not harm your body. But they help very well in purchasing goods for the store.
Unfortunately, the search and acquisition of cute antiques, an extremely pleasant activity, was inevitably accompanied by chatter about outrageous nonsense with butt-handlebar persons.
And now the garage sale organizer was complaining about her terrible husband. Why the hell does this lady even live with someone who doesn't suit her, Riana didn't ask — butt-handlebar persons aren't capable of solving such complex issues.
But, as folk wisdom says, if a woman has no worries, then she either quarrels with her husband or buys a piglet. Considering that keeping pigs in such a suburb is prohibited, Riana advised her interlocutor to buy a papillon or a poodle — there are no fewer worries with a long-haired dog.
"But you definitely need to train the dog to participate in the competition for performing tricks," Riana added. "It's called 'agility'. The prize will bring a double benefit: it will decorate your living room and stop quarrels with your husband."
The lady stared at Riana in complete stunnedness, and Riana fixed her with the confident gaze of an expert on the universe, without whose mastery it is impossible to run an antique business. Of course, this lady will quarrel with her husband much less for the simple reason that fussing with a pet will force her to spend a lot of time outside her husband's society.
But since a butt-handlebar master could become a danger to an innocent and defenseless animal, Riana added:
"It's better to start with courses for dog owners. Before buying a puppy. Without preparation, you will ruin everything."
Riana didn't meet this lady for the next year. And in early December, when the Christmas rush of garage sales began and Riana came to this town again, she saw this lady proudly walk in the town square in the company of a charming white Spitz and a handsome companion, who, as Riana knew for sure, was not the same "terrible husband" of this lady.
The lady saw Riana and went straight to her.
"I'm writing a book about the role of dogs in a woman's life," the lady said, barely saying hello. "Will you help with editing? I will definitely give you one copy of the book. No, even three copies, so you can please your friends."
"I'm afraid I have absolutely no time." Riana smiled sweetly. "After all, I am the owner of a very difficult store, always in business. But I can advise you to those who aren't particularly busy and will willingly help you."
And Riana took out her phone and began writing a message to one of the customers: her elderly mother regularly tore the brains of the whole family, demanding from them perfect literary talks. For a break from her mother, the buyer will owe Riana a meeting with a very profitable, unsociable collector who didn't communicate with anyone without recommendations.